Bard to the Bone Read online

  Bard to the Bone

  Cid Banks

  Copyright © 2018 by Cid Banks

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Gamepedia

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  About the Author

  One

  DRUNK

  Character Reflexes reduced by 50%.

  Sleep, Charm, Seduction, and Confuse resistance reduced by 50%.

  You have received a status effect! Would you like to learn more?

  “No thanks.” I waved away another hologram box of text. “This isn’t my first time playing a video game, I think I can skip the tutorial.”

  Cascadia Quest wasn’t your run-of-the-mill immersion experience. Instead of relying on a visor and a haptic gear to throw players into virtual worlds, Cascadia Quest beamed sensations and sights directly into the brain. I could hear the crashing of waves behind me and feel the warmth of the sun on my neck. This tutorial area was an island, with charming medieval villas looking out over the sea. In here it felt like the middle of July.

  In reality, I sat on a worn down couch in my cold Manhattan studio.

  This epic fantasy world was overflowing with things to explore, but when I’d spawned, I’d headed straight for the bar.

  I needed a drink. Or five.

  I lifted a drinking horn as long as my arm off the wall.

  The bartender, a balding man with a robust waist, scowled. “That’s for decoration!”

  “Put it on my tab,” I said. I tipped a pint of mead into the horn.

  My friends chuckled as all three of us poured our drinks into the horn. I needed two hands to raise the heavy horn to my lips. The horn wasn’t the best vessel for chugging. Golden liquid poured into my mouth, leaking over my face and across the table. People sprang away from the table as it slopped over the sides.

  I laughed at the foamy wetness on my cheeks and the buzz filling my head. “Wow.” The developers had managed to mimic the sensations of getting tipsy. My tunnel vision was getting worse. The status effect DRUNK hovered in the bottom left corner.

  Dave’s heavy hand patted my shoulder. “I’m sorry about your job, bud.”

  “Yeah.”

  I’d lost my job this morning. During a meeting with the virtual HR manager. The soothing robotic voice informed me that my contract was expired and would not be renewed. My position was so low on the totem pole that I didn’t even merit being fired in person. A final paystub would come in the mail. I had one hour to vacate the premises.

  I hadn’t argued. There was no point in trying. Throwing a fit would just get me tossed from the building by security.

  After schlepping back home through the rain, I’d spent the rest of my day holed up in my tiny apartment. My jaw had ached as I scrolled through pages of listings. They all demanded highly experienced and dedicated candidates, yet paid next to nothing.

  I breathed deep, forcing myself to stop thinking about it. My friends and I had been excited to play the newest award-winning MMO.

  Now I was bummed. “At least the drinks are free.”

  “Right?” Dave’s ginger beard seemed to swim around his thick neck. “It beats paying for fourteen-dollar cocktails downtown.”

  “And the hangover.” I reached for another pint. My clumsy fingers knocked it over. “Damn it. Who’s up next?”

  The guys argued about who would chug from the horn next as I walked to the barkeep.

  I wanted a vacation. “Can I have a Mai Tai?”

  The bartender paused as he wiped a glass. “What’s that?”

  I rolled my eyes. “It’s a cocktail.”

  “Ah, well, we only have oak-matured ales and southern wines.”

  Bit lame, but what did I expect?

  This was Cascadia Quest, an MMO fantasy game. If I wanted tropical cocktails, I should’ve bought a beach immersion experience. Still, it was nice. Refreshments in the tutorial area were complimentary, and I accepted another pint from the barman.

  I returned to my friends, pushing my now-overflowing mug at Victor, who’d chosen mage for his class. He’d spent the last half hour talking about his magical abilities, but I’d yet to see them in action.

  “Can you light it on fire?”

  Victor chewed his lip. “I don’t think that’ll work. Beer doesn’t burn like liquor.”

  “Try it anyway,” Dave urged.

  Victor’s face screwed in concentration, and he held out his palms. “There we go!”

  A yellow flame danced in his palm. He tipped it toward the foamy mead, but it didn’t catch. “Damn. Let me up the juice.”

  Flame burst out and ignited the middle of the table, spreading out across the course wood. Everyone scurried out of the way except me. It was just a game, and I was in a reckless mood.

  The bartender hadn’t noticed the blaze steadily burning his furniture. Smoke spiraled from the orange flames, which grew higher and hotter.

  “I wonder...” I bent closer to the heat. It didn’t feel that hot.

  Dave cringed. “I don’t know if that is a good idea, man.”

  “What?” I glanced back at my friends, shrugging. “I can’t die. Right?”

  Before anyone could object, I thrust myself through the blaze. All I felt was a gentle, tickling sensation. Meanwhile, red status effects were popping up everywhere. A flurry of 0s popped where my skin came in contact with the scorching heat.

  BURN

  Character takes fire damage every second.

  Note: All damage is reduced to 0 in the tutorial zone.

  “Whoa, that’s insane!” Dave backed away. “Your hair’s on fire. Does it hurt?”

  “Nope.” My vision rippled. “It’s kind of nice. Have you ever been to one of those hair-drying things at a salon? That’s what it feels like.”

  Victor grabbed the empty drink. “Awesome! I want to try!”

  “FIRE!” There was a crashing of glass as the bartender ran around, clutching a bucket of dirty mop water. “Hold still!” An exclamation point hovered over his head.

  “What’s th—” Water drowned my question as he threw the bucket. I slipped off the chair, coughing. The wave of cold doused the flames. BURN disappeared.

  I bowed from the table, dripping. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “Thats it! I don’t want you troublemakers in my establishment!” Apoplectic, he pointed at the door. “Get out. All of you!”

  The guys roared with laughter as I shook wetness from my face. Sneering at the bartender, I strolled outside.

  Victor squinted at the sunlight. “We got kicked out of the only bar.”

/>   “It’s cool. I’m ready to play,” Dave said. “Where do you think we’ll spawn?”

  I tuned out of the conversation as we headed up the hill. Our surroundings were gorgeous. Behind us, turquoise waters lapped a sandy shore. The sky was a boundless blue, and the sun beat on our necks. It wasn’t blistering, though. The warmth made me want to find a chaise, if they existed on the island, and close my eyes. Honest to God, I might never leave the lobby.

  We turned away from the crashing waves, heading toward a collection of bleached stone buildings with terra-cotta roofs. Impressive statues with regal faces towered several stories high. Lush vegetation grew everywhere. Vines crawling up walls burst with fuchsia flowers. My thighs barely protested at the steep climb.

  A bustling courtyard surrounded the shimmering portal where players left the tutorial island and entered the game world. NPCs wandered, chatting with player characters and showcasing their unique powers. Nine towering figures stood at the perimeter, representing the classes: templar, priest, mage, bard, ranger, rogue, duelist, warrior, and paladin.

  A cobalt-and-gold banner with a conch shell logo rippled above a Cascadia Quest help desk, which sat under weathered signs written in black letters. People clustered around the support staff—a man and woman dressed in khaki pants and navy polos. Semi-transparent UI Account Services windows floated in the air as players scrolled through their contents.

  My friends anxiously eyed the gateway as they finalized their character choices. They looked pumped.

  “You guys go ahead. I still need to decide my class.”

  “You sure?” Dave clanked toward me, wearing the steel armor I’d seen on the paladin in-game footage. A white cape with crimson trim flowed down his broad back, and he clutched a massive axe. “You finished, Victor?”

  Victor nodded. “Yeah, but it doesn’t matter if we leave together or not. We’ll spawn in different places.”

  “Sounds good.” Dave’s beard oscillated in a rainbow of colors as he scrolled through the UI, making finishing touches on his avatar. “We can make a chat room to stay in touch.”

  Victor nodded his agreement.

  “Bye!” I smiled as Dave led an excited Victor through portal. They disappeared in winks of light.

  Eager to join them, I examined the characters. Which should I choose? I must’ve spent hours researching, and I was no closer to deciding. I approached the Conan-esque warrior, who wore a bull-horned helmet and challenged me with a growl.

  “Crush your enemies! See them driven before you!” The warrior forced a sword into my hands.

  I barely gripped the hilt of the shortsword before he charged me. Yelling, I swung upward. My blade met his axe. The contact jarred my wrist, vibrating up to my elbow. I dropped the sword, rubbing my wrists.

  “Fight,” he screamed. “Prove your strength!”

  “Nope.” I ducked under his next swing and walked away.

  “Come back and fight, coward!”

  The warrior’s taunts followed me as I explored my other options. Another player took up the challenge, swinging with ease a massive spiked hammer wreathed in flame. His attack missed, and the weight of the hulking weapon shattered the stone where it landed. Hacking and slashing with oversized weapons would be fun, but so would blasting foes with magic.

  What interested me besides warrior?

  Across the courtyard a hooded woman shot inky shadows from her fingers. The shadows formed a grinning skeleton with pulsing, yellow orbs for eyes. The same gaze glowed underneath the mage’s hood. She grinned. “Would you like to learn more about the magical arts?”

  “Okay.”

  The skeleton burst into flames with a casual flick of her hand. “With a mage’s powers, you can control the elements of this world. Darkness, light, ice, fire.” She snapped her fingers, lassoing the blaze like a whip around the skeleton’s skull. It released a ghostly howl as its head popped from its shoulders, crumbling into ash. “You can become a master of illusionary work or use your talents to conjure an army of familiars. The choice is yours.”

  Picking mage was tempting. The thought of feeling flames burst from my hands was so cool. But I’d been a magic-user in a thousand games, and I wanted something different.

  I glanced at another NPC playing a handheld harp. He was leaner than the others, and a bit smaller. A goatee graced his chin. His dazzling, white smile flashed as I approached. “Well met, traveler. Stay for a while and listen to my song.”

  “Sure.”

  He twanged the harp. “Bards can be storytellers or tricksters. Heralds or spies. Lovers. Bards wield the power of music. To succeed in this class, you must have great cunning and learn to balance a rogue’s charisma with magical ability.”

  “What kind of musical powers?”

  “All sorts.” His fingers plucked a quick three-note riff. “Here is but a taste.”

  A UI prompt jumped in my vision.

  Song of Sorrow - This mournful melody strikes listeners with a deep and profound sadness.

  Inflicts Despair on characters.

  Song of Seduction - This romantic ballad inspires lustful thoughts in those who hear it.

  Greatly increases romantic relationship with attracted characters.

  Chance to successfully Seduce +100%.

  Song of Mocking - This clever, satirical tune cuts deep, profoundly insulting the listener.

  Reduces Willpower defense and Charisma defense of listening targets.

  Reduces relationship with listening targets.

  Song of Rest - This soothing serenade brings peace and rest to those who hear it.

  Restores character’s HP over time, removes Rage, Silent, and Confuse.

  Chance to inflict Sleep +100%.

  Well, color me intrigued. “Do I get these when I start?”

  “You may choose one, but you’ll learn more as you keep adventuring!”

  I scanned the list. It was hard to narrow them down. I chortled at the Song of Seduction, wondering if it was a gimmick the developers planted.

  “Let’s talk about the Song of Seduction.”

  “All right,” he purred, his voice deepening. “As you may already know, bards are famed for their musical prowess, their ability to serenade villains to sleep, and their genius in the art of seduction.”

  I smirked, imagining a gorgeous NPC falling at my feet. “Cool, but how would that help me fight enemies?”

  “I thought you’d ask me that. Observe.” Confidently, he strode from the wall to the middle of the square where NPCs were showing off their moves. A templar woman and a warrior were locked in a fierce battle. The templar smote her male opponent with a lightning bolt from her axe. The warrior stumbled as a black scorch mark burned his chest.

  Smiling, the bard played his harp. A lovely waltz filled the courtyard, the sound interrupted by grunts from the fighting NPCs. Slowly, they noticed the music. The templar parried a blow from the male warrior, looking in the direction of the bard.

  “Templar girl… a vision of beauty. Why not dance with me instead?” The bard’s lilting voice sang in harmony with the harp.

  Breathing hard, the templar charged the warrior.

  The bare-chested warrior struck the templar’s axe. Bolts of lightning darted from their clashing weapons.

  Continuing to sing, the bard strummed harder.

  “That melody.” The templar glanced at the harpist, a blush rising in her cheeks. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Oy!” The warrior shouted at her back. “We’re not done! Are you ignoring me?”

  “I’ve had enough of your jawing!” Swinging the axe in a wide arc, she split the ground. Nothing happened at first, and then a deep crack fissured, running between the warrior’s legs. He leaped aside, narrowly avoiding falling into the chasm.

  The warrior head-butted the templar. She screamed and shoved him back, then turned her full attention to the bard. A pink heart icon appeared above her.

  “Are you in love?” The warrior mocked, seizing the opport
unity to slam into her chest. “Ha ha ha!”

  She fell, heavy armor clanking to the floor. A violent wind blasted the sword from the warrior’s grip, and she socked him in the stomach. Her boot slammed into his chest. Once again, she stared at the bard.

  He walked closer, still plucking the strings. “Forget him. You should enjoy the company of a real man.” The bard’s tone deepened. “My tongue is stronger than his sword.”

  She beamed. “Okay—”

  “Hey!” The male warrior struggled upright. “Sod off, bard!”

  The bard turned at the waist, facing the warrior as he played.

  “Um,” the warrior said in desperation. “Wait…” His face scrunched as though smelling something foul, and then it sagged with relief. Two red patches burned on his cheeks as a hopeless longing filled his features. A pink heart glowed over his head, and the burly man ran away in embarrassment.

  Satisfied, the bard faced me and spread his arms wide. “Behold!”

  I laughed, clapping. “I don’t think I’m up for seducing my enemies, but it seems like it’d be fun. Different.”

  “It is fun.” The bard approached me with a hearty wink. “But I must warn you. It’s designed for advanced players.”

  I pulled up some stats in the UI. It told me that less than 5% of players in Cascadia Quest chose bard. Picking a musical class might not be smart. As much as I loved imagining myself as a rockstar, I couldn’t play the guitar. Or drums, piano - any other instrument. In fifth grade I almost failed music class because I couldn't handle a simple plastic recorder. I was utterly tone-deaf.